First Ultrasound!!!

Today, 12/28/12 at 7:30am was our first ultrasound at 5 weeks and 4 days.  I was very nervous this morning on our way because I knew there was a chance the fetus would not be in my uterus (fallopian tube which would be an ectopic pregnancy which cannot survive) or there could be a chance there would not be a sac or there would be an empty sac....today was very anxiety-driven! We arrived for our appointment, they took me back, took my blood pressure, 124 over 72 which I was surprised because I felt it was going to be very high today!  I changed and Melissa, the physicians assistant, came in and began my internal ultrasound.  Right away a dark circle popped up on the screen! I was not sure what I was looking at but Melissa said it was great! The black circle we were looking at was the "sac" that would turn into the placenta that will hold the baby and the little white spot in the middle of the black circle is the fetus!!! She said its still tiny and hard to see but she believes there is just one baby in there.  We are so happy and so thankful!!!!!  Andy did get sad for a second because he asked me that if only one baby is in there then that means one of the embryos did not survive and I said yes but that is why we put 2 in to hope that one of them, if not both, would be strong enough to stay with us. It is sad to think that we lost one, but we are THRILLED to see one survive and to actually be looking at it on the screen! FINALLY, we are looking at the beginning of a life on that SCREEN that has always just been empty or showing my ovaries!!!!! We of course got wonderful print outs of our little fetus and I just can't stop looking at them, I don't know if thats normal or weird??? I'll go with it regardless and take it alllllllll in!!! We will be going back next Friday, January 4th at 8:15am for another ultrasound at 6 weeks 4 days and will hopefully be able to see the heartbeat!!! WOW!!!

12/21/12 has arrived!

Pregnancy test 12/25/12, Merry Christmas!

Our cute way of announcing to family & friends! Just because we have a different journey to pregnancy, doesn't mean we don't want a cute announcement!!! haha

The sign we gave my Mom as her "announcement"

First EVER positive home pregnancy test! I know we got the blood test, but I still really wanted to do a home one! I've never seen 2 pink lines!!! 12/21/12 pm

YAY!!!!! 2 pink lines are AWESOME to see! 12/22/12

Merry Christmas!!! We got the BEST gift ever!

This morning I woke up and realized today was the day I would get my blood test to determine if either of the embryos were sticky and stuck with me!!!  Andy and I decieded we wanted to receive the phone call together so I went to work in the morning, left work in early afternoon to go get my blood drawn and then went back to work.  So many people told me that they couldn't believe I came to work today, but what was I going to do? This day was one of the most nerve racking days of my life.  I couldn't just sit at home and think, I was glad to be at work and have my mind, somewhat, busy.  My wonderful friends/coworkers really helped keep my mind busy as well and made the day fly by and it was filled with so much positive energy!  3:10 came, the students were dismissed, I said bye and happy holidays to everyone at school and I left school at 3:30 to make it hope before 4:00 which is when I asked the office to call with results.  Andy got home right before I did and we both sat down on the sofa at 4:00 with phone in hand.  4:05 rolled around.....we were so anxious and didn't know what to do, we put the TV on and talked about how our day went, but neither of us could focus and didn't really care at that moment about anything other than my phone ringing.  Andy was so supportive, he even sent beautiful flowers to me at work earlier with a wonderful message explaining that no matter what happens we are in this together and will always love each other.....he is the best!!! FINALLY!!!!! 4:40 comes and the phone rings......my heart totally stopped, Andy turned the TV off, I grabbed the phone, pen and paper and answered........it was Melissa, one of the head IVF nurses from RAD. She said "Hi Lindsey, I'm calling with your blood test results," I said "oh gosh, ok, go ahead,"  Melissa said "its great news, your test came back positive! Congratulations, you are pregnant!"  This was such a surreal moment.......Andy and I looked at each other in amazement! I began to cry, Andy teared up and then we remembered Melissa was still on the phone, haha.  She explained that our HCG level was 250 which is a great starting number.  I asked her if by the number, could they tell if both embryos survived? She said they would not be able to tell just yet but in a few weeks an ultrasound will be able to tell.  She said I needed to come back in on 12/24/12 for a repeat blood test to be sure the level doubles to 500. We hung up and were in complete shock, I think we still are.  It worked....it really worked!!!!!! Holy crap, we were so happy and just could not wait to tell our families!!!! We sent a picture to my Mom of a sign we bought a year ago at the beach hoping to give to her soon as the "we're pregnant" announcement, but we had to keep it wrapped up and in our desk drawer because it wasn't going to be used anytime soon we thought.  The sign had a lovely saying about having a Mom like her is wonderful because her grandkids are also so lucky (along those lines) and then my Mom called me, one of the best phone calls of my life, one I've been waiting for for A VERY LONG TIME!  I answered and my Mom, who sounded like she could barely catch her breath said "Lindsey.......Lindsey......" The pure joy in her voice, even though she was crying, was so wonderful.....I said "we are pregnant! the test came back positive!" I explained what the nurse said and my numbers and all and she had me on speaker phone so my Dad and brother could hear as well, they were all so happy for us, you could just hear it in their voices, it was wonderful.  We then called Andy's parents and they were so happy for us as well.  We then began telling some of our close friends.   We know many people say its bad luck to tell people before 12 weeks and all, but all of our family, friends and even coworkers have been there for us every step of the way and know exactly what has been going on that people are so excited and anxious, we couldn't not share the news and we knew we were going to share the news regardless of the outcome.   We hope and pray that everything will continue to grow and develop appropriately.  We received our levels on 12/24 and they were supposed to be at at least 500 and they came back at 613! Woo Hoo! So then I got another blood test on 12/26 which should have doubled to about 1230 and it came back at 1356! YAY!! So tomorrow, 12/28/12 we will be going in for our very first ultrasound to see our little seed(s)! We are hoping to maybe see the heartbeat.  I am only 5 weeks and 3 days along, so they aren't sure if we'll be able to see it yet but we'll hopefully be able to see a little something.....CANNOT WAIT!!!!!  Thank you all so much for reading our journey so far, I can't believe how much it has actually helped me through our process.  I can't wait to continue blogging and telling our story.

4 little embryos

Not a lot to blog about today.

We received a message this morning explaining that our other 4 little embryos that we were hoping would catch up and grow a bit more, unfortunately did not make it. These embryos were discarded this morning and we will have no frozen embryos for future uses. 

This really pulls at my heart. Again, I know they're just embryos and many people feel differently about what is an "embryo" and what is a "baby," and I personally don't care what stage of development or label they're given.....they were part of me and part of Andy and were living beings at one point.....I wish we could have done something to make them stronger and survive. 

On a positive note, we are still hopeful and praying that the 2 tiny ones transferred into me on Saturday will be stronger now that they're with me. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

More pictures of our Journey

My favorite ornament this year

Decorated our tree-keeping my mind happy and busy

We do not want IVF ruling our lives-so, we were shopping at the mall, found a dressing room and did our shot! Don't judge us......haha

Nurse Steltz

Sorry for so much skin, after each shot I have to always apply pressure!

Follicles in the left ovary

The big chumba wumba follicle in the right ovary

A gift from my amazing sister....hung right above my desk

My BEYOND supportive friends taking me to lunch on the day I was scared to get a call about my embryo status

This picture does not do the needle justice! Progesterone butt shot! Come see it in person  :)

Waiting for my bladder to fill!

Singing to the Christmas music to not think about my full bladder

Andy said I looked so cute he couldn't stop snapping pictures....silly man!

Possible dance move? We have to have fun with our journey.....

12 Days of IVF- photos

I have AMAZING friends. They put these gifts together just to be sure I smiled once every day....how does a girl get so lucky??? Every single gift had meaning and I love them all. xoxo to Megan Boyle and Jen Walters.

Transfer Day is here!

Saturday, December 8, 2012
After everything we've been through, the physical pain, poking, prodding, needles, bruising, bleeding, bloodwork, tons of tools inserted in me, surgeries, arguments, emotional roller coasters, tears, anger, confusion.......it all does not matter anymore. Today we will be going in to transfer an embryo and hope it develops into a baby. We woke up this morning, I took my daily prenatals and other pills with breakfast, showered and began drinking water at 9:30am as told. Our transfer was pushed back to 10:15am and we had to be at the office at 10am. We arrived at the office and I was finishing my 32oz of water as we walked in. We waited in the waiting room for 15 minutes…..why they have you arrive 15 minutes early to just sit and wait, I have no idea? But we did, along with many other couples that were there for their daily monitoring just like we were last Saturday. They called us back and walked us into the same OR I had my retrieval surgery in 5 days prior. I laid down on the table and the nurse put the ultrasound on my pelvic area, pushed very hard and right away said “oh no, you’re completely empty.” I said “WHAT??? I’ve already drank 2 bottles of water.” She said I needed to drink more and she’d be back in 15 minutes, oh my goodness, why does my bladder do these games…..oy!

So I drank more water, Andy played calming Christmas music on my phone and I walked around (some slow dancing too)the OR to get my mind clear and off of my bladder. She FINALLY came back in when I was at this point almost in tears and wanting to hold myself like a 3-year old in potty training. She checked my bladder via ultrasound and she said “Perfect! You’re full and ready to go! I will go see if the doctor is ready.” She left. I whipped my head around to Andy and said “for real? I’m full and ready and NOW we are checking to see if the doctor is ready???” We waited for 10 minutes…….

 The doctor came in and told us he just spoke to the embryologist and took a look at our embryos. He said all 6 were still living, however, 4 of them were pretty far behind in their development and 2 were strong but not at the blastocyst stage, which is the stage they like them to be at for transfer. The doctor said they both were right about to reach that stage and probably will in the next 6-8 hours. I was not expecting this. I asked if this meant we were not transferring today, he said “Oh no, no we are still going to transfer; the question is, how many.” He then explained that since we have 2 that are almost at blast stage, that he would be ok with transferring both in. He suggested and always suggests only doing 1 because he would not want to create an already “high-risk” pregnancy, however, he told us that implanting 2 would increase our chance of success slightly. He left us alone for a few minutes to talk it over. This was a VERY IMPORTANT decision and I was slightly annoyed that I had to make this decision when I was dancing around the OR holding in my urine.

Andy and I discussed it for a few minutes and both agreed our hearts told us to transfer both embryos. After we made our decision, I lost it……very embarrassing……Andy had to grab the bedpan and in the middle of the OR, there I was…..squatting with a blanket wrapped around me, a bedpan between my legs…..releasing my poor bladder! Oh my gosh! How ridiculous am I?!?!? I told Andy to stand at the door and ask the nurse to wait and not come in, OF COURSE everyone was in a freaking hurry to get in! The nurse came in, followed by another nurse and the doctor just as I was finishing!!! Holy good grief! I apologized and told them that I was so upset and embarrassed but I started drinking my 3 bottles of water, now, 90 minutes ago. I felt like a failure, as stupid as it sounds, I did. I figured ok, I just messed it up, we have to start the day over again. They laid me down on the table to see how much I emptied and to my surprise, they said “Oh! You still have a full bladder and are perfect to still transfer now!” This made me feel a lot better because this told me I had more than a full bladder, ha! I had every right to look like a farm animal in the middle of the OR!

They set everything up, including me and we were starting…..wow….. Behind where the doctor was seated, in between my legs, was a door to the lab. The door was opened and there was an embryologist sitting there looking into a microscope at my embryos until the doctor was ready. The nurse put the ultrasound to view my uterus and the doctor slowly inserted the long tube through my vagina, through my cervix and up to the top of my uterus to a “perfect” implantation spot. Andy held my hand tightly as we both watched the screen anxiously. The doctor said “I’m ready!” The embryologist brought a long skinny tube in that contained our 2 embryos. The doctor inserted that tube into the tube that was in me and the embryologist counted 1, 2, 3…..right after we saw a tiny white dot on the screen move into my uterus. It was done. It looked like a shooting star how it just moved about an inch across the screen. They hit replay a few times for us so we could watch it over again. It was precious and so surreal.

 tools were taken away, my legs were released from the stirrups, they laid a warm towel over me, gave us directions about my care for the next 24 hours and 2 weeks and told us we were scheduled to come in on 12-21-12 in the morning for our pregnancy test. The nurses and doctor left. We were left in the dimmed OR, alone…..it was so quiet and peaceful. We weren’t sure how to feel or what to do. They told me they wanted me to lay flat and still for about 45 minutes. They gave us a picture of our embryos right before they were implanted. We sat and talked, kissed, and looked at our embryos and thanked each other for doing a great job. It was kind of nice how they have you be alone and make it calm.

 Of course, 10 minutes go by and Andy has to run to find the nurse to find another bedpan! Poor guy…..I thought he had to do a lot after my surgery in October and giving me needles, now Andy has to put a bedpan under me and help me go to the bathroom again! Then he has to move it! I felt horrible, but couldn’t do anything about it! He had no problem and told me to stop apologizing, what a good guy. Finally, around noon, we were able to leave. Of course I went to the bathroom again before we left haha, which was weird….they told us I would not urinate the embryos out or push them out, but I still felt I needed to be very cautious.

As we left, the nurse told us that our “potential” due date would be August 26th-this was so hard to describe. Did I want to know this? However, we did find it quite interesting that last month I went to see a psychic medium that had many legitimate things to say and when she told me about my future in the regards to children, she told me she saw 2 pregnancies but 2-3 kids and that the number 26 was important but she did not know why……believe what you want, I don’t know how much I believe in it, but it doesn’t hurt to have hope and believe she is right.

Embryos 1 & 2

Embryo 2

Embryo 1

I rode all the way home laying down and have been laying down all day since we got home except to sit up to eat, yummy and stand up to get my butt shot…..sheesh! I am on bed rest until Sunday afternoon and then for the next 2 weeks I must take it very easy but stay busy. Andy and I are going to try and do some holiday things together such as Longwood Gardens to keep us busy but calm and happy. I am trying to stay positive, hopeful and just tell myself that we did everything we could and we have no control over what happens now. Thank you all so much for reading my blogs so far and for your very kind words and prayers. This blog has been very helpful to share our experience that will hopefully end with a tiny miracle.

Unplanned visit

Yesterday I called the doctor because I was concerned about 2 things: I was losing 1-1.5lb each day since my retrieval on Monday (only time in my life I'd inquire about weight LOSS) and I was constantly having to urinate at least once per hour, even in the middle of the night and actually able to urinate a lot every single time....this was absolutely not normal for me.  Now, I am aware that my ovaries are big and my body is most likely not used to it, however, I know I have to have a full bladder for the embryo transfer and really do not want to mess anything up, so I called the office just to be cautious. The office called me back and told me to come in RIGHT AWAY! Well, I almost lost it, had no idea what they were thinking,  is there something wrong with me? Will I not be able to do the transfer? Am I sick? Oh my gosh....Andy works 45 minutes away from home and would not be able to meet me at the office on time and although I had offers from people to be there with me, I knew I had to do this on my own and tell Andy what was going on.

I got to the office and as always tried to be my smiling self and make a joke out of my visit.  I told the nurses I just missed my daily monitoring and internal ultrasounds so much that I couldn't wait until tomorrow! They laughed and told me everything was fine but they had to be sure nothing was up. They told me to just keep a watch on my weight, that they would only be real concerned if it was a big weight gain. They suspected I had a UTI, however they only symptom I had was, a had to pee a lot and often! No pain or weird sensations and such.  They did a urine test, internal ultrasound, abdominal ultrasound and the usual doctor screens. Everything looked and sounded completely normal.  They gave the ultrasound pictures to the medical director and she said nothing seemed abnormal and it seems my ovaries are 4 TIMES the size the normally are and that my bladder just doesn't have any room and most likely the retrieval on Monday made the ovaries a bit more swollen from the procedure.  They reassured that I would be fine and still have my transfer on Saturday, I was beyond relieved and told them I had no idea how I would hold my urine during the transfer if I can't do it now! They told me I'd be fine, I left and called Andy and my Mom and everyone else I worried and went home to relax to get ready for the big day!

Updates & Questions

The night of retrieval we obviously did not hear from the doctors about our eggs and we had to wait 24 hours before getting an update, this was very odd for me and made me feel like a total weirdo! For those 24 hours of waiting I felt empty.......SO WEIRD I KNOW!!! I have been growing these eggs inside my uterus for the last 2 weeks, giving myself daily injections, and be very careful so they were healthy and now they were all taken out of me and I have no control over what happens from here on out......what an odd freaking feeling.....they are just eggs!!! This is what I tell myself, yet I still have this feeling that I want to go to the lab they're in and watch them myself and make sure the embryologists that are watching my eggs are doing everything right! Ugh.....control issues here.....

So they did a process on the night of retrieval that they call ICSI, which I believe is the process where they fertilize my eggs with Andy's sperm. We received our first update Tuesday morning, 24 hours after my retrieval.  They told us that out of the 10 eggs they retrieved from me, 9 were mature. They performed the ICSI and throughout the night, we lost 3 but 6 developed through that phase.  I did not know how to feel about this.  I felt overwhelmingly sad that we had lost 3 in just 24 short hours, but at the same time was very pleased to know we still had 6 strong ones hanging on. THEN....so many thoughts rushed through my head that if we lose 3 every 24 hours, that will leave ZERO to implant into me on Saturday  :(                    Will this be the case? I can't do ANYTHING about ANYTHING!!!

I have felt a roller coaster of emotions over the last few days. I barely sleep because of the emotions and worry and on top of the emotions I am so uncomfortable! My ovaries are still humungo and I am still sore from the retrieval surgery so sleeping on my stomach is absolutely not happening, but now we do nightly injections of progesterone in the rear, so it hurts when I sit or lay on my buttocks, plus I have night sweats so I wake up freezing cold but am covered in sweat (awesome!) plus with my ovaries being so big my bladder is being completely squeezed so I have to run to the bathroom once an hour....this is some crazy stuff no one tells you about when you hear someone is going through IVF-geeze!!! But it is SO ALL WORTH IT to work towards getting our little miracle.            

So at this point we had 6 embryos still living and on Wednesday they would be left alone to grow and develop in their incubators. We received a message this morning (Thursday) and I was terrified to open it. I thought to myself, ok, we lost 3 in the first 24 hours and we have not heard about our embryos in 48 hours now and I tried to prepare myself for being down to 3 or 4. I opened the message from RAD and it told us that as of this morning, all 6 of our embryos were still living!!! WOW! I was beyond happy and tears filled up my eyes, I think from shock and a slap of hope in my face to not always think negative. However, the message did explain that all 6 embryos were still alive but at all different stages of development and to be prepared that all 6 most likely will not make it to "blastocyst" stage which is when they are ready for transfer/implantation into the body or ready to be frozen for later use/implantation.  I had spoken to a few women I have met that have gone through IVF and all 3 I spoke to had 2 on the day of transfer.....1 to implant and 1 to freeze for later use.  I think I have put into my head to hope for 2.  Everyone keeps telling me "but you only need 1!!!" which yes, this is VERY true, I do only need 1 to implant for 1 chance. However, if this does not work and I do not become pregnant than we want to try again. If I do not have any embryos to freeze than we have to start all over again instead of just doing a simple frozen transfer.  At this point I am a bundle of emotions.....just today so far I have cried from being sad, cried from being scared, cried from being shocked, cried from being happy, yelled for being angry and laughed for being comforted.......how is this healthy for ones body to go through these ups and downs every single day?          

At this point, we will not get a message about our embryos until we get to the office on Saturday morning at which point they will explain how many are still alive and what their quality looks like.  From our understanding, if we only have 2 left and they are both low quality, they may transfer both embryos in which is risky but at the same time could give us better chances....technology is INSANE, AMAZING but never PROMISING.  I thought this would be a very hard physical challenge, no way......I can probe and stick myself all day but the emotional challenge is something I have surprised the hell out of myself with and every day I need to stop and think and realize how goddamn strong Andy has become, how strong I have become and a part of me used to hate this process because I felt it was ripping our marriage apart.....I now almost thank this journey because I believe it has made Andy and I's marriage so strong and our relationship and friendship better than it ever has been.  We have found this new love for each other that in the past we would want to hate each other for, but I think we are now starting to understand each other more, which is so weird to say being that I totally do not feel like myself at all anymore. 

I have had so many new thoughts and questions run through my head that I can't believe some of them and others, I feel quite often. The thought of my ugliness has gone through my mind so many times, almost daily.  Will Andy leave me for someone who can have a baby? Will he leave me for someone that doesn't have ridiculous stretch marks and bruises all over their stomach and butt? Will I always be a person who cannot do what a woman is supposed to do? Will I always be so tired and angry? Will I every be able to look at a baby and see myself? Will I every be able to look at a baby and tell my husband it looks just like him? Will I ever have someone need my unconditional love the way I have needed my Moms?

Retrieval Time!

Here we go! So nervous & excited for the egg retrieval!

What a day!  I had yesterday off from medicines, shots, and monitoring appointments so I was sure to relax and enjoy it! I relaxed so much that as I went to bed last night I got a bit worried that I was not stressed about my surgery in the morning.  I made sure to not eat or drink after midnight and to remove my nail polish.  I got a good 6 hours of sleep and woke up this morning at 6am feeling tired but still not too nervous........
I took a nice long shower (even shaved my legs, in preparation to prize myself with a pedicure this week!) then dried my hair (didn't even style it!) put on comfy loose clothes and warm socks and we headed out the door around 7am.  I really tried to tell myself to stay calm that this was another step in our journey that could lead to the most amazing miracle we will ever know.  It helped to stay calm by me driving and us even stopping to return rented movies.  This may all sound silly but if I am in control and driving and making "every day" stops then it makes me feel better! I don't know, call me crazy! We pulled in to Christiana Hospital and walked in to Medical Pavilion 2 where RAD is.  As soon as I walked into the building, my belly WENT! It hit me, I was so nervous and (TMI) had to use the bathroom!!! Andy checked us in and I went to the potty. When I was done, Andy and a nurse were waiting for me to take me back to the recovery room to get prepped.  As I walked through the office I said hello to 4 nurses that I have gotten to know through this process and they all had huge smiles on their faces, said good morning and hyped me up and asked if I was ready for fun!  They are all so nice at this practice which is beyond helpful when stress is high.
The nurse explained the entire procedure step-by-step to Andy and I and what would happen. She also went over post-op directions so I would understand them since after surgery I would be out of it and not remember. I then changed into my beautiful gown and waited very nervously.  The anesthesiologist came in and explained that I would be put into a "twilight sedation" which is a conscious sedation-he explained that I would be in lala land but still be able to hear them and answer questions, however, when I woke up I most likely would not remember the surgery.....um, ok......remember this!
I gave Andy a kiss goodbye and told him I loved him and the nurse and anesthesiologist walked with me into the OR. It was so chilly, thats why they let me keep my warm sockies on for surgery! They lowered the table and told me to scoot up through the huge stirrups onto the table and lay down.  There were 2 nurses, 1 med student, 1 "new girl" and the anesthesiologist around the bed setting everything up and talking to me about how much IV's suck because they stay inside you and its not just a prick and I was saying how ridiculous I was that I could put 3 shots into my belly every day with no problem and have my blood drawn every morning for the last 10 days and have my husband put a huge needle in my butt every night, yet I get so nervous for an IV. I asked the anesthesiologist to be nice to my hand and the nice guy he was joked back and said "oh yes, I got the comfort IV's just for you, they'll be so comfortable they'll put you right to sleep!" haha, funny guy!  I tried talking about anything and everything with the nurses while the anesthesiologist kept instructing me to make a fist and pump my hand in and out and I was really trying to ignore him but I really just wanted him to hurry up and make me fall asleep!!! IV was in and he said to me "lift up your head so I can put this mask on you, I'm going to put you to slee.....I'm going to give you oxygen," I was like yes! Here we go, i'm going to be out soon! I'm breathing in.....out.....in......out ok.......still breathing, still just looking around.....still hearing everything.  Ok, I told myself, relax Lindsey, close your eyes and just take a little nappy poo.......I closed my eyes for a minute, then I heard them say "Ok, shes ready, go ahead and get the doctor."  I of course was now a bit sleepy but still felt pretty much with it but it felt so good to close my eyes.
The doctor came in and said "Hi Lindsey! This is going to be nice and quick and you shouldn't feel much."  I apparently was very excited and said "Awesome, lets do this!"  Right away the anesthesiologist said "Ok Lindsey, breathe deep and close your eyes." He then began rubbing my head and cheeks, so sweet and kind of weird because many anesthesiologists don't always have the best bed side manner. 
They lifted my legs up (which felt like a thousand pounds) into the stirrups and the doctor said he now going to do....something? I felt a cold burst, not sure what it was because I was sleepy but still feel like I was more awake than I was supposed to be.  He then said ok, lets get those eggs from the left ovary, I said "yea!" and right away, the anesthesiologist rubbed my head and told me to close my eyes and take slow deep breaths, I think he was surprised that I was so awake!
I felt a lot of pressure in my lower back and a big pinch then burning pressure, I began to wiggle my toes and scrunch my face, the doctor and anesthesiologist told me to try and relax. I told him it hurt and the anesthesiologist began lightly tapping my cheeks....I thought, is he trying to cause some pain in my cheeks so it takes my mind off of my ovaries??? haha  The pressure stopped and it felt awesome! I then felt another burst of coldness and the doctor said, "Alright, to the right ovary we go!" I laughed and the anesthesiologist AGAIN told me to relax and close my eyes......what is going on???? Why in the world am I awake still??? And why is he telling me to relax and close my eyes.....isn't it his job to make me do this through my IV and huge mask on my face???  I felt the same thing again, back pressure, a big pinch and then burning pressure. I heard the doctor say "lets make sure to get every little bit out," and then a big rush of pressure again. Next thing I know, the doctor said I was all done and it went well! I relaxed and closed my eyes and then they turned on the bright light! What the heck!!! I want to sleep now!
They cleaned me up, took my legs out of the stirrups and brought the stretcher over.  They had me (I guess because I was WIDE AWAKE) climb onto the stretcher myself and then they wheeled me out of the OR and into the recovery room.  They took my vitals and told me that before the surgery my blood pressure was very high but now it was pretty darn low, but it was normal.  They went and got my husband to come back with me and I closed my eyes, ahhhhhh I was not in any pain and felt so relaxed.
Andy came back with a big smile on his face (not sure if it was because he got to see me or because he just gave a sperm specimen, haha) but it was so nice to see him.  The doctor came in a few minutes later to let us know everything went great and out of the 13 follicles I had in my ovaries, they had 10 mature eggs.  I asked why there was not 13 eggs if I had 13 follicles and he explained that some of the follicles did not have mature eggs in them, which is normal.  I then told him I wondered how my fatty follicle was doing and that I was eager to see if that one would survive-he explained that sometimes the bigger follicles are ones that do not survive because they are too mature, boo......my little chumba wumba might have been too much of an overachiever......the nurse said, "you had a big one huh?" She looked at my print out from surgery and said "oh yes you did! 25mm! that is a bigger one!"  25mm....that one little follicle was 1 inch in diameter!! Holy cow......no wonder I'm so bloated, round and having trouble moving! (This is what I tell myself!)  The nurse went over all instructions again and explained that I will feel crampy, sore and bloated. Andy asked about my ovaries and how long it takes for them to go back to normal size, the nurse explained that it could take 2-3 MONTHS!!! What?? Holy moly!!! We had no idea! But this makes sense as to why I still have so many restrictions because the ovaries are now even more likely to move around or get twisted with exercising, stair use etc. because they're huge and empty.
They asked if I would be returning to work tomorrow and I said yes, she told me that I need to be very careful and to try and limit everything. She asked if I was able to teach from a seated position, I told her I didn't think it would be a problem.  We were instructed on what to do tonight (meds and shots) and that my TRANSFER was scheduled right now for Saturday, December 8th at 9am.....wow-crazy how quickly this all seems to go.  At this time they will implant a strong embryo into my uterus, give us a picture of the embryo and a potential "due date." Holy crap............
They put me in a wheel chair, wheeled me downstairs and helped me into our car.
Andy stopped at WaWa to get me some yummy cheese quesadillas (they said to go home and have some toast, but I opted out of the healthy/bland diet, i'm a fat girl) and we relaxed, ate and fell asleep.  I took a nice 3 hour nap then woke up to PAIN!!! Not unbearable, but it was painful! I am very crampy and uncomfortable.  Every time I move or stand up, I feel like my pelvic area does not want to come with me and it pulls.....owwwwwy!  I got to sit and watch Andy put the Christmas tree lights on and just fall in love with the possibility of this amazing journey......so surreal.....so wonderful.....so scary.....so confusing.......so testing.....technology is unreal, and we hope and pray that technology works for us.

What a hottie! Eggs have been retrieved!

The Scary Truth: More Pictures

My ovaries are 3 times their normal size!

The bruising has really brought out the stretch marks and surgery scars! Yikes!

Holy cow! I was down to my lowest weight 1 week ago and now I look like I have a baby in there!

One day I will look like this but with a baby in my belly.....

All 3 shelves were filled with my medication a week ago, now, we're down to only 1 shelf!

Bruising and scars. Again, do not mind the stretch marks

There ya go! Bloated bruised belly!

Finally belly injection day......yucky!

the nasty truth that could lead to something BEAUTIFUL!!!!