Transfer Day is here!

Saturday, December 8, 2012
After everything we've been through, the physical pain, poking, prodding, needles, bruising, bleeding, bloodwork, tons of tools inserted in me, surgeries, arguments, emotional roller coasters, tears, anger, confusion.......it all does not matter anymore. Today we will be going in to transfer an embryo and hope it develops into a baby. We woke up this morning, I took my daily prenatals and other pills with breakfast, showered and began drinking water at 9:30am as told. Our transfer was pushed back to 10:15am and we had to be at the office at 10am. We arrived at the office and I was finishing my 32oz of water as we walked in. We waited in the waiting room for 15 minutes…..why they have you arrive 15 minutes early to just sit and wait, I have no idea? But we did, along with many other couples that were there for their daily monitoring just like we were last Saturday. They called us back and walked us into the same OR I had my retrieval surgery in 5 days prior. I laid down on the table and the nurse put the ultrasound on my pelvic area, pushed very hard and right away said “oh no, you’re completely empty.” I said “WHAT??? I’ve already drank 2 bottles of water.” She said I needed to drink more and she’d be back in 15 minutes, oh my goodness, why does my bladder do these games…..oy!

So I drank more water, Andy played calming Christmas music on my phone and I walked around (some slow dancing too)the OR to get my mind clear and off of my bladder. She FINALLY came back in when I was at this point almost in tears and wanting to hold myself like a 3-year old in potty training. She checked my bladder via ultrasound and she said “Perfect! You’re full and ready to go! I will go see if the doctor is ready.” She left. I whipped my head around to Andy and said “for real? I’m full and ready and NOW we are checking to see if the doctor is ready???” We waited for 10 minutes…….

 The doctor came in and told us he just spoke to the embryologist and took a look at our embryos. He said all 6 were still living, however, 4 of them were pretty far behind in their development and 2 were strong but not at the blastocyst stage, which is the stage they like them to be at for transfer. The doctor said they both were right about to reach that stage and probably will in the next 6-8 hours. I was not expecting this. I asked if this meant we were not transferring today, he said “Oh no, no we are still going to transfer; the question is, how many.” He then explained that since we have 2 that are almost at blast stage, that he would be ok with transferring both in. He suggested and always suggests only doing 1 because he would not want to create an already “high-risk” pregnancy, however, he told us that implanting 2 would increase our chance of success slightly. He left us alone for a few minutes to talk it over. This was a VERY IMPORTANT decision and I was slightly annoyed that I had to make this decision when I was dancing around the OR holding in my urine.

Andy and I discussed it for a few minutes and both agreed our hearts told us to transfer both embryos. After we made our decision, I lost it……very embarrassing……Andy had to grab the bedpan and in the middle of the OR, there I was…..squatting with a blanket wrapped around me, a bedpan between my legs…..releasing my poor bladder! Oh my gosh! How ridiculous am I?!?!? I told Andy to stand at the door and ask the nurse to wait and not come in, OF COURSE everyone was in a freaking hurry to get in! The nurse came in, followed by another nurse and the doctor just as I was finishing!!! Holy good grief! I apologized and told them that I was so upset and embarrassed but I started drinking my 3 bottles of water, now, 90 minutes ago. I felt like a failure, as stupid as it sounds, I did. I figured ok, I just messed it up, we have to start the day over again. They laid me down on the table to see how much I emptied and to my surprise, they said “Oh! You still have a full bladder and are perfect to still transfer now!” This made me feel a lot better because this told me I had more than a full bladder, ha! I had every right to look like a farm animal in the middle of the OR!

They set everything up, including me and we were starting…..wow….. Behind where the doctor was seated, in between my legs, was a door to the lab. The door was opened and there was an embryologist sitting there looking into a microscope at my embryos until the doctor was ready. The nurse put the ultrasound to view my uterus and the doctor slowly inserted the long tube through my vagina, through my cervix and up to the top of my uterus to a “perfect” implantation spot. Andy held my hand tightly as we both watched the screen anxiously. The doctor said “I’m ready!” The embryologist brought a long skinny tube in that contained our 2 embryos. The doctor inserted that tube into the tube that was in me and the embryologist counted 1, 2, 3…..right after we saw a tiny white dot on the screen move into my uterus. It was done. It looked like a shooting star how it just moved about an inch across the screen. They hit replay a few times for us so we could watch it over again. It was precious and so surreal.

 tools were taken away, my legs were released from the stirrups, they laid a warm towel over me, gave us directions about my care for the next 24 hours and 2 weeks and told us we were scheduled to come in on 12-21-12 in the morning for our pregnancy test. The nurses and doctor left. We were left in the dimmed OR, alone…..it was so quiet and peaceful. We weren’t sure how to feel or what to do. They told me they wanted me to lay flat and still for about 45 minutes. They gave us a picture of our embryos right before they were implanted. We sat and talked, kissed, and looked at our embryos and thanked each other for doing a great job. It was kind of nice how they have you be alone and make it calm.

 Of course, 10 minutes go by and Andy has to run to find the nurse to find another bedpan! Poor guy…..I thought he had to do a lot after my surgery in October and giving me needles, now Andy has to put a bedpan under me and help me go to the bathroom again! Then he has to move it! I felt horrible, but couldn’t do anything about it! He had no problem and told me to stop apologizing, what a good guy. Finally, around noon, we were able to leave. Of course I went to the bathroom again before we left haha, which was weird….they told us I would not urinate the embryos out or push them out, but I still felt I needed to be very cautious.

As we left, the nurse told us that our “potential” due date would be August 26th-this was so hard to describe. Did I want to know this? However, we did find it quite interesting that last month I went to see a psychic medium that had many legitimate things to say and when she told me about my future in the regards to children, she told me she saw 2 pregnancies but 2-3 kids and that the number 26 was important but she did not know why……believe what you want, I don’t know how much I believe in it, but it doesn’t hurt to have hope and believe she is right.

Embryos 1 & 2

Embryo 2

Embryo 1

I rode all the way home laying down and have been laying down all day since we got home except to sit up to eat, yummy and stand up to get my butt shot…..sheesh! I am on bed rest until Sunday afternoon and then for the next 2 weeks I must take it very easy but stay busy. Andy and I are going to try and do some holiday things together such as Longwood Gardens to keep us busy but calm and happy. I am trying to stay positive, hopeful and just tell myself that we did everything we could and we have no control over what happens now. Thank you all so much for reading my blogs so far and for your very kind words and prayers. This blog has been very helpful to share our experience that will hopefully end with a tiny miracle.