Saturday, December 1, 2012

Some graphic yet real life pictures!

Step-by-step of how I would give myeslf my 3 shots each night. Please do not not mind the gross belly and stretch marks, I am trying to keep this real and not hold back!
Always ice before!!!

Time to mix!

Follistim pen, low-dose HCG and Cetrotide

Wipe the area with alcohol before injecting!

Yep! Its numb and ready!

Gotta squeeze the fat!

Injection #1


Follistim pen-always the hardest one

Ouch, it burns at the end of each injection

Low-dose HCG is tiny! yea!


Feeling the burn of all meds, time to walk around

Ouchy.....really? Is this my life now?

Time for a band-aid, but I have to be sure to not leave it on for too long or I could develop an allergy!


Needle bruising

TRIGGER TIME!

Andy and I went in today, Saturday, December 1, 2012 for my daily monitoring.  We left and had a wonderful day with my family cutting down a Christmas Tree, having lunch and shopping! As we were out, we received our daily phone call telling us the next steps from RAD, todays phone call was different....they said I was ahead of schedule and that I would be giving myself my trigger shot TONIGHT at exactly 8pm to prepare for my egg retrieval surgery on Monday morning at 8am. The trigger shot neeed to be given EXACTLY 36 hours before my surgery so I could not do the shot any earlier or later than 8pm! WOW! Andy and I were very excited but overwhelmed at the same time.  I was done with the belly shots but tonight, was a intramuscular injection into my butt....ouch! I was NERVOUS!!!!  Andy and I got home from our family fun day around 4:30pm and knew I had 3.5 hours until THE SHOT.......we brought the tree in and began decorating the house....anything to keep me busy!!! 7:30 came and we knew it was time to head upstairs and start preparing the shot.   We got all supplies out and we went through the directions step-by-step together to mix and make the injection.  Once it was made, it was 8:00, OH NO! We can't be late!!! Luckily I had begun to ice my bottom area 15 minutes prior.....the area was nice and numb and Andy was ready to inject.....I on the other hand started to freak out!!! Andy told me it was time and we had to go! I said ok! Bent over the dresser, pulled my pants down, he wiped it with alcohol, and nice and straight like a dart put the needle all the way in through the skin, through the fat and into the muscle and injected the trigger shot!  Right after we were to apply pressure and heat right away and start walking around to help spread the medicine and to help the pain.   The needle pain was not bad because I numbed with ice beforehand, but the medicine in the muscle I could definitely feel!   I instantly felt sick to my stomach and bloated.....not sure what it was from but 3 hours later I am feeling a bit better but still a bit different.  I am very excited that I get tomorrow off and do not have to go in for monitoring, take any pills or give myeslf any needles.....but I am going to really enjoy it and be sure to stay stress-free and prepare for Mondays egg retrieval!!!!

AMAZING FRIENDS! 12 days of IVF

I cannot express to everyone enough about how lucky I am to have a husband, family, friends and colleagues that are so encouraging and supportive through this journey.  3 of my very good friends that I also work with, Shannon, Jen & Megan, have been there for me every single day and sometimes even at night with my text messages.  They are all going through so many things in their own lives but still always have time to listen to me and calm me down.  Shannon gave me this beautifully written card that made me cry and with it came a beautiful angel figurine that stood for 'Courage,' this meant SO MUCH to me and I look at it every single day and remind myself to have the courage to persevere through this, even when it gets hard.  Jen and Megan decided that the 12 days of Christmas was very exciting, but I needed the 12 days of IVF!!! I was blown away and was told that I have so much courage to get through just my injections each day that I deserve a gift...so every day I open 1 gift and they are all so meaningful and amazing. Lucky? There are no words for the strength I have in my life and where it comes from.

Daily Monitoring


Oh what fun! So at home every morning I am taking my prenatals and my antibiotic, then every night at home I am giving myself 3 injections in my belly.....this is the stimulation phase to have all my follicles with eggs in them grow in each of my ovaries.......they doctor needs to be sure all my blood levels are where they should be and that my follicles are growing and developing like they should, therefore I need to go into the doctors office every single morning at 6:45 for bloodwork and internal ultrasound......yowsa!!!! I was so scared I would look like a drug addict with track marks on my arm by the end of the week, but the nurses there are so kind and gentle and use a baby needle on me, ya! It was odd though, I do find the internal ultrasound uncomfortable, but not painful, however, as my follicles and ovaries were growing every single day more and more, I did find that it became more uncomfortable and less "roomy" for the internal probe, haha!  It was pretty cool seeing my follicles on the ultrasound machine each day and seeing how over night they grew bigger, I got emotional a few times but then realized I was being silly and that they were just eggs, not a baby.  On my last day of monitoring I asked them if I could have a picture of my follicles, they looked at me a bit odd but I told them that if I end up having a baby I would love to show them this picture one day to show them where they started (at least from Mommy's contribution of her egg).  The pictures above show my follicles.  I have 5 large follicles and 1 very large follicle on my right ovary and 6-8 large follicles on my left ovary.   The one picture is of our fatty follicle, the extra large one.....our little chumba wumba! The other ultrasound picture is of my left ovary with 6-8 follicles (little black areas). This ultrasound picture was very meaningful to me beacuse the doctor said after my surgery that my left ovary would never have produced an egg to get me pregnant because the diseases was "gnarling" the ovary. The technician said everything looks great and I am on the right track!

Belly Needles!

The first night of belly needles was very scary and I was so proud that I got through them.....but I never thought I would get used to them and think it was pretty EASY!  The second night of injections I was sitting in our living room on the sofa watching tv, Andy made the shots and before he injected them, I decided I wanted to try and give them to myeslf because I had heard other women did it!  I got pumped up and was to just do it! He handed me the first needle and BAM! In and injected....not too bad but I needed a few seconds before the next one, but then in it went and injected. I was OVERJOYED and could not believe that I did the needles all by MYSELF!!!! Holy crap....I hate needles and have always passed out and felt sick by just looking at needles, but now I am putting them into myeslf??? WOO HOO!!!! On the third night of injections we were going to Andy's parents house for dinner and would not be home to do injections at home so we packed them up and brought them! 8pm rolled around and I found myself and Andy in his parents basement, standing up and I was injecting myself-done and done! The next night and the other 6 nights after I would come straight home from work, pull the meds out on the island, make my injections and standing in the kitchen give myeslf now all 3 injections all by myself! There was even 1 night that I did my injections before Andy got home from work.....I was a PRO and so proud of myself every night that every night I deserved to eat anything I wanted.....awesome, the firs 4 days I already gained 3.5lbs.....nurses told me it was because my ovaries were growing!  I went with that......

The First Day of IVF!!!

Holy cow, I dreaded this day.  Our day started off with Andy getting up and making a delicious waffle breakfast! We both were to take an antibiotic every day with breakfast and every night with dinner.  The medicine was harsh on your stomach so Andy always made sure we took it with a meal.  I came downstairs to him making waffles and out of nowhere collapsed with anxiety and emotions! I balled my eyes out realizing this is not what we normally do and our lives were about to change and we have to follow a strict schedule every single day and I have to poke and prod myself tonight.....Andy was awesome!!! He ran right over and hugged me and told me we would be ok and we would get through this together.  This was very surprising to me because up until this process, Andy and I did not always see eye-to-eye on things I would get upset about.  He is very hard to read most of the time and definitely does not show much emotion, I on the other hand, show pretty much EVERY emotion.  He typically tells me it is not a big deal and to get over it.....however, he is an amazing husband and is right here with me step-by-step.  Luckily, it was Black Friday and we had off from work and had the chance of great sales in stores! Right as I was finishing up my water works show, my sister texted me that her and my Mom were going shopping in about an hour....HOW PERFECT! Andy told me that it sounded like a great idea and I should get out of the house for a bit.  I was planning on sitting in all day and worrying about the shot that he was going to be injecting into me later that night.  But they were all right, I spent the day shopping with the girls, had a blast and had my mind off of the first injection for most of the day! We were told to give the injections between 6 and 8 at night, shopping ran late and I did not get home until after 7pm.  Andy and I went up to our second bedroom, and I laid on the bed with ice on my belly. I HATE HATE HATE needles and wanted nothing to do with the mixing of needles or seeing what they looked like....he put them all together, I laid there icing to numb the area with my eyes closed.  He was ready to inject....I was panicking, thinking I couldn't do this.......then I remembered all my friends and family, on top of my husband, and how supportive and encouraging they ALL ARE!!! I told myself that it wasn't a big deal and it would be over in 3 seconds! I said to him, very loudly I remember, "OK! LETS DO THIS!!!" Andy was a compelte pro! He came over, wiped my skin with alcohol, i pinched my belly, he injected the needle, I let go of the fat, and he inserted the medicine and pulled the needle out.  When he was done I held a gauze pad on the needle hole and felt a quite bit of odd sensations and a bit of pain....it wasn't horrible, but it didn't feel good by any means!  I told him that I don't know how I am going to do this every night because it really does hurt.......I then spoke to my Mom and told her that I got through it! She told me that it might help to not do it where it is completely silent and still, I felt like that was a great idea and told Andy that the next night I THOUGHT I wanted to do it with the TV on in the living room to help distract me, he said ok and that was the plan.  I had made it through my first shots, was very proud of myself and was ready for ICE CREAM!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!!! We had a wonderful holiday with our family but in the back of our minds we knew we were beginning our "journey" the very next day.  I for one could not get my mind off of how in just a few short hours, I would be getting 2 needles injected into my stomach! I am horrible with needles when a nurse does it, how am I not going to pass out and throw up everywhere when my husband is doing it?!??!!?  We tried to put all the thoughts of IVF aside and have a nice holiday, but everyone kept asking us about it....it helped me when I would talk about it, but Andy didn't always like to discuss it.   I was also very happy because I was working very hard to lose weight before we began beacuse I had heard many women gain a ton of weight with IVF.  In August 2011 I was 242lbs and today on November 22, 2012 I weighed in at my lowest since high school at 184lbs! yea!!!! I felt beautiful and hoped that I would continue to feel that way even though I knew my body was about to become ugly.